OMG vulvas and parenting fails
Oh, I have a story for you.
It started with my pulmonary clinical for grad school. I just finished my lung rotation, and I was making them a Thank You basket. I found some cute little stuffed lungs (because who doesn't need some plush lungs in their life?!?) and some smiley-faced organ stickers on Amazon, and was going to throw some treats in and call it a win.
Amazon accidentally sends me a package of REPRODUCTIVE organ stickers in with my regular-organ stickers. Picture an adorable smiling uterus. They are bright and colorful and my daughter instantly wants them. I blame Jeff Bezos for this.
This is where I go wrong - I let her have the stickers.
I go put Kid 2 to bed. Kid 1 had MAYBE forty-five minutes to herself. I come into her room to get her ready for bed...
She has taken said reproductive stickers and stuck them all over a folder. Unbeknownst to me, they are LABELED. She has taken my phone, and GOOGLED these terms. Mother of God I thank my lucky starts she didn't find porn.
She then took it upon herself to create fact sheets regarding these terms. She has a VULVA fact sheet. She has a TESTICLE fact sheet, guys. With BULLET POINTS.
I am dying. Did you know that the testicles are five degrees cooler than the rest of the body? Or that the vulva is a muscle? My 8-year old now knows that THONGS ARE NOT GOOD FOR THE VULVA.
She has drawn PICTURES.
I am crying laughing. Dad comes up to see what the ruckus is about. His look of utter horror is epic. I am holding my own vulva to prevent from peeing myself. She wants to bring it to school to show her friends. I had to tell her hard pass on bringing your reproductive folder of doom to school; I will get phone calls from your friends parents.
She is ready to teach health class you guys. All because Bezos sent me the wrong stickers.
I am framing these. I will being them out at her graduation, I swear.